Red Carnation
by cottonspore
Summary: A rogue sets off to wreak havoc in the Wu kingdom to take down the most powerful man in charge. Discord and silly mischief ensues ((OC Canon Characters circa DW7 release))
1. Another Day, Another Disaster

**A/N:** So this was an old fic from 4EVA ago. This features the adventures of my OC Ami in the Dynasty Warriors universe, and yooo, boy does it read like a typical, archaic self-insert lmao XD It was super fun to write at the time, and it brings back lot of nostalgia when i could actually write for fun and had loads of time to do it, so i've decided to bring it back and to continue to run with what i have =u= This is loosely historically accurate, so pleeease don't expect dates, places, heck - even timelines and whatnot to line-up.

This is solely just for fun, so if you have any time to kill, by all means, i hope you enjoy yourself c: - ((As a disclaimer, because this 2019 and all, there's some politically incorrect humor in here soooo expect some of that lol))

* * *

_Kerplop!_

A pair of dark, chocolate eyes shot open at the sound of an apple dropping in to the whispering stream. The petite rogue scanned the premise for potential assailants and when none were detected, she began to relax.

'_Another day, another disaster' _she sighed within her thoughts. Ami stretched and twisted as she stood up on the tree branch she rested upon. Her long, flowing raven hair bounced about her back midway. She wasn't short, but she definitely wasn't tall either. Her figure was slim and abided by the 'coke bottle' definition. Her skin was darker than most people in this region, but the assumption of overexposure to the sun always seemed to be made. Ami's attire consisted of a tube top that covered her cleavage down to her hip bones. The back of the top descended lower; covering the back of her thighs and splitting into two tails like the feathers of a swallow. Her bottoms were spandex shorts with simple lacy patterns on the side that stopped mid thigh. Plain boots covered her feet, for anything extravagant or clunky would be a hassle to deal with. On her hands, she had long gloves that didn't have finger tips and the glove extended to the middle of her forearm. Around her neck was a necklace of a peacock feather with a thin but durable string keeping it bound. Keeping her hair from obstructing the vision of her right eye was a single, bright red carnation barrette. _Her signature_.

Ami tactfully jumped and swung out of the tree to begin her day. The woods around these parts were lush and thick, so she butchered through; slashing the vegetation with her handy extendable spear. It was her only weapon, and she could conveniently keep it compact like a dagger or extend it with a thrust to its full size. Recklessly hacking down small trees almost revealed her presence in the woods - the sound of people talking in the distance caught her attention and she instantly froze. Calculating how close she may be to the people, she listened closely until she realized what her vision was giving her instead of her hearing.

If she were to take a mere three steps, she would find herself in a flourishing town – no, kingdom! Red flags embroidered in gold littered the streets. There were many shops, vendors, and housing along the alleys and streets from what she could see. There were several grades along the main road way which gave it steep drops and climbs for people and carriages to travel upon. With the many buildings, gardens, and monuments erected about, sitting on the far side of the horizon was a gigantic castle that still seemed to tower all. Ami came to a realization.

_Duh! You dumbass! This is the flourishing kingdom of Wu!_

A rather dark smirk crept its way across her face.

Already shaking Wei with her infamous work, Wu was her next target. Although no ne truly knows who she is, Ami is known for wreaking havoc and causing great discord throughout the land. Thinking her unusually darker skin would give her away, she somehow gets away with the disguises and the crimes. But in all her schemes, she never do away with her carnation barrette. It stays there, pinning her hair back and hell! – It reveals her identity! Often she wonders how she can openly walk in the public's eye without being recognized. Along with her skin, you would think the flower would give her away. But of course not. Why? Because just about every other female are wearing similar flowers. She started a frikken' fashion trend! Sure people will be chary around you because of it, but its often dismissed since its girls' being edgy and daring. *sigh* so much for striking fear in the hearts of enemies, huh?

Ami had a plan. Just like Wei, if she could create internal strife among the close-knit family of warriors, no one could be trusted and the kingdom would fall. Gaining too much power is dangerous and soon everyone would suffer. Tyrants like Dong Zhuo would be sure to cause suffering for the people, and as things are now, its sure to happen with the leaders of Wu, Wei, and Shu fighting for the number one seat for power.

There was a small pang in her heart just now. She groped her chest until it subsided.

_'Ha, even my heart tries to tell me_.'

Ignoring the moment, Ami resumed her planning. Somehow, she needed to find her way into the castle. It should be fairly easy; since her clothes weren't ordinary citizens clothing, and her top and gauntlets were a royal, crimson red with gold swirling marks. Just in her normal attire, she looked like a Wu officer! Oh…that's right…no one know who she is! Gah! How could she forget! Well! The easiest way to get caught will be the easiest way in.

Attempting to avoid much of the public, Ami weaved and stalked through the darkest alleys and tried to remain low key. Not many people noticed her, and the ones that did either eyed her compact weapon holstered to her backside or her body; what's a young woman such as herself doing in these dark alleys?

With a few more twists and turns after what seemed like more than few miles, Ami finally found her way to the looming structure.

This building was huge! It was at least five stories high and a billion houses wide!...okay, maybe something like twenty, but it was still massive. She noted how many flags and banners adorned it, and she definitely took note of the tight security. Yet, the gates on the lower east side appeared to be open. Walking as if she had no care in the world, she found herself somewhat close to the gates. Idling around to prevent suspicion, she catalogued the environment and caught site of some big crates.

There was no one around, so she assumed the unpacking persons hauling them were inside already. Ami made a dash to the crates and to her luck, the top of them were already unhinged. Quickly, she peered inside to find feathers. A lot of them.

_'What the fuck? Who orders a crate of feathers?'_

"And so I would definitely rate her a 7."

"A 7? She's a Qiao! You can't rate a Qiao anything but a 10!"

2 disembodied voices were heard from the building. Ami thought for a quick second and scrambled into the box. She shifted inside so she could be hidden, just in case someone was to look.

_'On second thought, good thing people order crates of feathers!' _Ami thought as she was glad it wasn't peaches or armor - anything uncomfortable or hard.

"Yeah, well if I had to choose, I would pick the older one. She's way mature, and suave. The younger one needs her help."

"Oh whatever! I rather have Lady Xiao Qiao instead of a woman with a stick up her- oh wow! This box is so light!"

Ami felt the men hoist the crate up and made a shrill noise at their anticipation for a heavy load. She almost flew out!

"What the-! Did you hear that?" one of the men questioned.

_Scree-weeah, Scree-weah_

"Yeah, it's just this panel. It's a little loose." The other said, proving so by pushing the side of the box.

It seemed liked 30 minutes passed (when actually it was 10) and through the whole walk, Ami was forced to listen to the crass conversation of the two men about how one of the female warriors was actually a man and disturbingly enough, the guy on her left would still have sex with him. Her. Whatever! There was talk about the ladies of Shu and Wei; a woman named Zhen Ji and would-be woman named Zhang He, apparently had a fierce competition of beauty and the would-be won. Ami recalled the two females who fit the description and assumed they were twins. _Whoops_. The guy on her left stated he would still do Zhang He and the other male-female mix of Wu despite their extra limb. After this point, Ami just **hoped** she wouldn't run into this guy and labeled him Mr. Freaks. The other was Mr. Logic for his better state of mind.

With a thud, the conversation became distant and no presences were detected. Ami crawled out of the box only to tumble down several other boxes. Rubbing her legs and back, she stood up surveying the room. There were stacks upon stacks of crates. It was concluded that this room was some type of supply room.

There was a torch lit right at the door, supplying the room with light. Not giving it much thought, Ami opened the door she tumbled to and _OOfph!_ bumped into someone instantaneously. Ami was alert and hauled ass down the hallway and blindly turned a corner. While running, she finally realized the hallways are pitch black. Also, it came to her attention that she's running around in darkness in a castle full of strangers who probably won't hesitate to kill her for interloping. And with a simple sound catching her ears, all of her thoughts stopped. She began running blindly again, occasionally face-planting a wall here and there, and turned as many corners as she could locate. Feeling her way against the wall, she felt what seemed to be a discreet nook to conceal herself in. She inhaled ragged breaths, and once she heard it again, breathing ceased.

Throughout her run, she could hear bells rustle in the distance and now that she had stopped, they became uncomfortably close and seemed to be on one of the hallways her corner connected.


	2. No! Not the Hermaphrodite Girl!

"Hehehe, you can run but you can't hide!" said a voice in an arrogant manner.

'Umm, yeah, I am hiding you dumbshit.'

Ami rolled her eyes as she thought. There was a peculiar breeze rolling through the hallways. Her hair was lightly whipping around and if that guy came close enough, he might feel her hair! Every move he made, the sound of bells jingled.

'Is this dumbass wearing bells?'

Ami thought it was silly for someone to be wearing bells! Quickly ending her thoughts, a blade was swung and clanked on a nearby wall, stealing her attention. A small gasp escaped her as she realized she could've had a terrible nose job.

"Ahh, so we gotta girl on our hands, huh? Wait a minute; is that you, Shang Xiang?"

'Oh no! He thinks I'm that hermaphrodite girl!'

"Haha, you could be a ninja if ya kept your mouth closed like this all the time!"

There was a pause. Only the breeze could be heard.

"Oh, so you wanna keep it up, huh? We have two choices babe. We can either spar here or back in my bedroom. I promise I won't tell Ce if you don't hehehe!"

Ami was frozen. She was anxious and disgusted. Disgusted that this guy would want to have sex with a hermaphrodite and that he couldn't woo a girl even if his life depended on it. The sound of bells marched closer and stopped abruptly.

Her fear came true.

There was a tug on one of her locks of hair.

And it wasn't the breeze.

"What the hell?" was whispered and the speaker was utterly confused. Grabbing the spear with her right hand, she was going to use her left hand to push this guy back when the moment seemed right. Hearing a slight jingle, the atmosphere had a weird tension which soon turned into high excitement. There was another swish of a blade and then it was on. Ami thrusted her spear into length and found herself in combat. She didn't know if she was hitting the guy's blade or the walls but she was hitting something. The speed at which they were exchanging swings was increasing until something looped around Ami's spear and snagged it from her possession. She let out a startled cry which resulted with the other snickering.

"Whoa, what do we have here? Hmm, some type of spear?" It would be dumb to try and fight for her spear back, so fleeing was the only choice.

"Hey! Get back here, sweetcheeks!" Bells were hot on her trail. Turning corners couldn't help her get away from the humored man. Trailing her hands against the wall, she was feeling for any abrupt gap that would suggest a room or door. Almost careening into a wall, Ami rounded one more corner and came in contact with wood while running her fingers along the wall. The incessant jingle of the bells was only a turn and a hallway away. Searching for a doorhandle, Ami found the rounded metal latch and opened the door with haste but closed it quietly. The breeze from the hallway blew the once burning candle out and the room became dark. Though quiet, there was a sound of footsteps.

'Oh. Shit.'

The steps came closer and in a blink of an eye, the candle was ablaze once more. In her face. The holder of the candle was a man, well, young man, with short brown hair and two little braids dangling on the side of his face. Without even looking, she could tell he wasn't wearing a shirt. His brown eyes looked at her, as if he was calculating..something.

* * *

Wow..his eyes are intense! I hope he doesn't have a shank hidden from my view..Hehe, he's pretty hot! Literally and figuratively! Actually, the room itself is pretty hot! And the candle in my face ain't helping.

"Who are you?" His voice was gentle, but it still held his demand. Before I could think of a lie, he began thinking out loud. "You don't appear to be from around here.." He trailed off, examined my body quickly, and seemed to relax a little. "I see you are unarmed. Please, have a seat."

He walked over to a table and pulled out a seat for me and sat in a chair on the opposite side. I charily found my way to the seat and sat. "I have not seen your face around here before. Who are you?"

"Why are you treating a stranger with such hospitality?"

"Why not?" he said with a small smile.

Okaaay, so this guy is a little hard to read. Instead of being alarmed by a stranger barging into his room, and perhaps reporting them, he sits them down for a chat? I don't get it. I cautiously spoke and returned the smile."You're right..Ahem, I'm from a neighboring village. I was hoping to appear before your lord and become an officer of Wu."

His eyebrows raised in interest. Even I don't know if I'm lying or telling the truth. I guess that will be a much better way to get the job done…

"Are you telling me you want to engage in war without a weapon?"

"Well-" The door of the room opened with a slam and the candle was out again.

"Hey, pyro boy! I think we gotta intruder 'round here!" Bells could be heard as the door closed. "Ah..whoops…I'll get that if you toss me a match."

The hot guy in front of me picked up something from the table and tossed it to the arrogant pervert.

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit OH SHIT! What am I going to?

Immediately, I silently slink to the floor and look for any type of hiding place. Uhhh, I guess there's some type of tight space which I assume to be the under space of a bed. Tight fit, but it's good. In a matter of seconds, the candle was lit again.

"As I was sayin', we gotta girl runnin' around here! Dude! I even got her weapon!" I heard the idiot toss my spear over to the other guy.

Well sir, that answers your question about fighting without a weapon.

Hey..Isn't he aware I'm no longer across from him? This guy is so weird! Or just really calm and collected and is secretly plotting..yeah, it's probably the latter.

"Gan Ning, do you know what she looks like?"

Yep, it's the latter.

"Yeah, because the halls are perfectly lit for me to see!"

"You fought in the halls?"

"Yep! I wish I coulda saw her though. She put up a good fight! Oh! Right! I know she had long hair, though! Heh, first time I could get close to a woman without her slapping me!"

"Hmm."

From what I could see, there were a pair of brown boots that made their way to a tri-colored pair of sorts.

Silence.

This cannot be good.

Another moment of silence passed.

Klack.

What was that? Wait, there's whispering...

"..C'mon Lu Xun…arrgh….alriiight."


	3. I Know YOU Aren't Afraid of the Dark

**A/N:** FYI, every chapter or horizontal line-break signifies a shift in POV.

I apparently liked to jump around like that.

Makes things more interesting, i suppose :o

* * *

"Gan Ning, it's just in case."

"C'mon Lu Xun-"

I raised my finger to shush him. Whispering isn't a strong point of his.

"I didn't even see anyone when I entered!"

"Because the candle went out as soon as you entered."

"Arrgh…that's right. Well there's only a couple of places she could be in here!"

"Check here first, then the halls."

"Alriiight." Gan Ning whispered, a little agitated. Gan Ning checked one side of the room, and I checked the other. If she didn't run out, her hiding would be limited by time. I checked behind the chests and bookshelves that were around the table where we sat at. Whoever this girl is, she definitely has skill. I looked over at Gan Ning who gave a shrug. *sigh*

"Alright, let's head out."

"Ya know, if you wanna copy my style, at least get some tatts. And a few bells won't hurt, either." Gan Ning gave an obnoxious smile.

"I'm only shirtless because of the heat. Not to give fuel to your shabby choice of dress."

"Ow, that hurts!" Gan Ning feigned as he grabbed at his heart. Right as we approached the door, we heard a noise. It wasn't the incessant jingle of Ning's bells. It was a sneeze. A _female_ sneeze.

"Ohoho~! Lu Xun's gotta girl in here! No wonder your- Dude! You coulda told me I was interrupting-"

"GAN NING!"

I was blushing profusely! It really did seem that way since I was _shirtless in the dark with a female_.

"Heh, no wonder you're tryna shoo me out! Don't worry, you still get mojo points for- *_fwack_!* Ow! That stings, man!"

"Will you be _QUIET_?! Where didn't we look?"

_a-chew!_

Another sneeze was heard. Along with the sound, a couple of dust motes rolled from under my bed. _Ah! My bed!_ But that's such a tight squeeze! WHOA wait…._my bed_…

Gan Ning had already beaten me to the dirty thoughts as he raised an eyebrow and beamed like an idiot. Or more so he was beaming like the idiot he is. _Oh man…_

"Okay, uhh…I know what this looks like but it definitely _isn't!_" I sputtered anxiously. He obviously didn't believe me and just gave me a 'that's bullshit' expression.

To just forget the awkwardness, I began walking over to my bed with Ning in suit.

_If she heard the conversation just now, it's going to be awkward._

_If I lift up my bed and make eye contact, it'll be awkward._

_If I get on the floor and tug after her, it's going to be awkward._

_Deary me…_

* * *

Oh c'mon! What's with all the hesitation?! He sure makes it seem like he got some type of feeling for her! She must be hot! Ah man! If she's the same chick I dueled with in that hallway, and she's hot, I'm definitely going to have to drop the 'bros before hoes' thing! Just this once! I crossed my arms and rolled my head over to face Lu Xun.

"Well?!" I exclaimed impatiently. I seriously need to teach this kid about being a man. He slowly reached for one of the posts on the headboard of his bed.

_That's it_.

I took the side of the bed and flipped it so it was laying on the other.

Lo and behold!

_Man,_ you never see'em like this! This girl was on fire! Ooh! That's the soft, silky hair I tugged on! I think I stared a little too hard since I'm pretty sure I drooled a little. That and because she dashed and rolled onto the other side of the room. Close to the door.

"Oh no ya don't, toots!" I bolted to the door while Lu Xun tried to pin her against the wall. Hasn't this guy been around girls before? It was kinda painful watching the awkward eye contact between the two. I guess he was too busy daydreaming or something as she easily broke free and nabbed her spear on the table.

"Dammit, Lu Xun! You can fantasize later!"

The kid was distraught in his feelings. He's got a lot to learn. Turning my attention back to the girl, I gripped my sickle.

_Time for round two!_

She had already extended her spear and was ready. Hehehehe, she's kinda cute when tense. We eyed each other down. I gave her a little wink. I know chicks go _crazy_ when I do that. But she seemed unfazed. I know she's holding it in, though. _It's irresistible._

To mix things up a bit, I chucked my sickle above the spear blade and it began to wrap around; just like I'd planned. I yanked hard and it flew out her hands again. She made a dash for it but collided with Lu Xun onto the floor. I quickly ran over and hooked her arms with mine from behind and locked them. Man, whatever shampoo she uses is an orgasm to the nose; her hair smells niiiice! Any other thought of her was kicked out along with my knee.

"Yow! Grrrgh, you're a little feisty one, aren'tcha?" I tightened my grip and lifted her, making her vulnerable. Lu Xun finally stood and rubbed his head.

"Ning, put her down, the door is locked anyway."

"Riiight, cause if she were to try and escape, you could stop her?" I mocked, but put her down anyways.


	4. Prostitute, Whore, Same Thing

**A/N:** at this point, this is solely for my own entertainment lmao

* * *

As he put he me down, I quickly shuffled away backwards only to trip over a chair leg.

_That's right. Show off how clumsy you are for the guys._

I stood up immediately and eyed down the two men. The one called Gan Ning let his guard down and seemed relaxed while the bashful one, Lu Xun, avoided eye contact.

"Alright, let's get some answers!" Gan Ning bellowed.

"W-wait! I think we should _introduce_ ourselves." said Lu Xun, hinting at something. Him and Gan Ning were looking at each other in a certain way and a smirk crept across Gan Ning's face.. They were up to something and I had no idea what it could be.

"Alrighty then - I'm the Great Gan Ning!" announced the ruffian, quite proudly. His sandy colored hair swayed as he shifted, probably expecting a smile or something. Ha, well he aint gettin' it. Lu Xun stepped forward and presented me with his hand and a warm smile.

"My name is Lu Xun," I took his hand and shook it. I could've sworn I saw a flush appear, but it was probably the result of Gan Ning's heckling, not..infatuation..or anything like that.

"I am aspiring to be a strategist for this kingdom. I still have quite a bit to learn, and I strive to help lead Wu to victory." His small smile started to widen. "Now, please tell more about yourself. It's quite odd for a stranger to appear in the castle; not being caught by guards or fellow officers such as us."

Oooh! That slick willy! I doubt anyone really knew my name, and even if I really did reveal myself, no one would totally believe me. Besides, I'm not planning on sticking around long enough for it to matter, anyways.

*Sigh* So here I go.

"I'm...My name is Ami." I managed to say with hesitation. From their expecting and curious expressions, I assume I don't ring a bell.

"I-"

_Slam! _

_Whoosh!_

Wow, does Lu Xun get any privacy around?

"Lu-..oh, sorry about the light."

The sound of the door closing could be heard and soon after the candle was re-lit.

"This breeze is starting to become a hindrance! Its more of a pain than..." The man was extinguishing his match and stopped mid-sentence as his gaze met mine. I wouldn't say he looked old, but he looked older than Lu Xun and Gan Ning. He had long, wavy hair and a little gruff on his jaw line that came to form a mustache and a slight beard.

"Who is this girl?" he demanded.

_Well, if you hadn't interrupted, i was gonna try and sell my 'i come from a neighboring village' story._

"Lu Meng, she's a _friend._"

.._Im not quite sure how i feel about the way he said that._

"Yeah, don't worry, old man! She-"

"How did she get here within castle walls? Wait, is she a-?!"

An uncomfortable pall spread throughout the room as everyone exchanged glances.

_Whoa! did he really just go there?!_

"I am NOT a prostitute you-!" I began to stomp my way over until I was restrained easily by Gan Ning.

"Hehe, whoa, pops! If, no, scratch that, _when_ i have a threesome, it's definitely gonna be two girls and me. Two guys? Not cool."

Its official.

Gan Ning is a pervert.

Lu Xun, probably as disgusted as I am, stepped forward and was about to explain before Lu Meng thrusted his palm out to halt him.

"She needs to be brought before Lord Sun Jian for explanation. To be fair, I know you have good judgement. So maybe she can be spared."

Lu Xun turned around to face me and sighed. "I believe you are a good person. It would be foolish to fully trust you in this short time in meeting, though."

Feeling kinda nervous, I just gave a slight nod. I didn't show it, though. I need to keep my big girl panties on and stand my ground. Gan Ning relinquished his hold on me and let me slide gracefully to my feet. If I didn't know any better, I would say he was feeling me up. But I'll let that one go. _For now._

* * *

I probably came off a little harsh, but I'm sure they understand. We simply can not allow intruders, prostitutes or not, into the Wu manor! Something about this girl isn't right, though she seems benign. There's a certain air about her that says...something. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but there's definitely something that needs to known.

I'm not sure what all happened, but she has the chary little Lu Xun in her favor! And it takes a while for anyone to gain his trust..hmm, maybe this is all a plan? Is he being deceitful?..I don't think he is. Heh, perhaps he's actually acting his age for once and has a little crush on her. Haha, he does need that kind of attention, whether it's sooner or later, instead of working 24/7.

Gan Ning was leading the group, the girl following behind, and Lu Xun and I were behind her, making sure there would be no escape. Instead of going through the dark, breezy corridors, we traveled through the breezy and sunlit halls; with the windows that gave the gusty winds their origin. This summer was brutal, so instead of keeping the halls lit up with candles and windows closed, the windows stayed open, airing the building out. We're lucky there's even a breeze stirring; it can get so hot and stagnant, making the place feel nasty with heat.

Trying not to be noticeable, I turned my head slightly to look at Lu Xun. He's certainly fixed on this girl. He definitely doesn't look at the Qiao's or Lady Sun Shang Xiang this way. But then again they aren't shady prostitutes who could be on some secret assassination hit. Ha, he better hope this girl isn't bad news.

As we approached the throne room, there was a lot of anxiety in the air. Besides Lu Xun and the girl, I have to admit I'm a bit nervous as well! Haha, we'll see how things go down.

Two guards were posted on both sides of the prodigious doors that led to Lord Sun Jian.

Breaking formation, I approached the men who immediately crossed their spears to prevent entry. "I apologize for the inconvenience, but i would like to inform Lord Sun Jian that we have an interloper on our hands. We would like to be present for his decision."

Spears uncrossed, the guards gave a slight nod and permitted entry. With an audience granted, we shall see what this little lady is up to.


	5. What' Ain't No Village I Ever Heard Of

An intruder? Within Castle walls?! If this turns out to be another prostitute, there _will_ be a set curfew along with permission to exit. This is getting out of hand. Along with this heat! Damn! Another bead of sweat rolled into my eye. Stings like a bitch.

"Would you like another wet rag, my lord?"

"No, but thank you. This shouldn't take very long."

"Please tell me if you do require anything, my lord."

I gave a simple nod. Just as I began to fan myself with my hand, the throne doors opened with four people entering. Lu Meng...Gan Ning...Lu Xun...and a _girl_...

Huang Gai began to suppress a chuckle.

_That's it. _

_Even if this prostitute looks fancier and more decent, it still blew the last chance._

My palm began to massage my furrowed brow.

*******_Sigh*_**

"My lord, I bring to you, an intruder." Lu Meng stated, bowing down at the same time. Lu Xun ran forward and dropped to one knee.

Whoa! Little Lu Xun seems to be into his feelings a just a bit! Don't tell me it's _his_ prostitute. That fake blonde probably put him up to it.

"My lord, it is not what it appears to be.."

I eyed the girl. Pretty young, looks to be about Lu Xun's age if not slightly younger. A carnation barrette, huh? I doubt it's for fashion seeing as how she's in my dwelling. From the way she's looking at Lu Xun, I _assume_ there's some type of connection, if any.

"And what does it appear to be, good sir?" I let a smile through, but the kid seemed to be on pins and needles! Haha, I could only make assumptions! Here he is, defending a strange girl who found her way into my castle and presents himself to me without a shirt on! Pretty odd for the young man who cares much about respect and the way he presents himself. Hell, this might even be a plan I have yet to catch on to.

Turning my attention to the girl, I boom, "Who are you and what brings you here uninvited?" Stepping forward past Lu Meng and Lu Xun, she also kneels and starts to speak with hesitation.

"I am Ami..I…come from a neighboring village and-"

"A neighboring village? What is the name of this 'village'? Your clothes certainly don't appear to pertain to any of the villages that _I_ know to neighbor my kingdom."

* * *

There was a pause.

I know I shouldn't feel..what's the word for it.._hurt?_ But if she lied to me, I think I'll feel just that. I doubt its been an hour since we met, so why do I feel as if I could trust her and believe her every word? I don't even know if that's truly her name! As I watch her expectantly, I can feel Gan Ning and Lu Meng doing the same to me. Or maybe it's the breeze. I think I like that conjecture better.

"I come from the small village of Song. It's not much to talk about.." Ami said quietly, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Hm. Very well. Continue. How did you find your way in here?" Lord Sun Jian had a look on his face, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking or how he felt.

"I uh…saw fit the opportunity to be shipped in with your order of feathers, sir..."

Another pause.

Lord Sun Jian had an arched eyebrow and turned to Huang Gai, who seemed to be very amused and gave a shrug.

"It seems to there's other things I must look into as well," he said with suppressed exasperation. "Ahh, okay, well then. What brings you here? "

The air had a different feel to it now. Everyone was stiff and I started questioning myself even further. _If only if I had reported her to begin with. Why try to make 'friends'? A decent strategist would not have let this situation get to where it is now. Xun-_

"Why are you here." Lord Sun Jian demanded. His countenance had changed completely. His posture and body language was somewhat threatening. That wasn't a question. That was an order. Huang Gai was also exuding that harsh vibe. I almost answered but immediately realized he wasn't talking to me. _Whew, that was close._ Lord Sun Jian bore his intense gaze into Ami. He really did have the eyes of a tiger..

_Why am I here? What have I contributed so far to Wu?.._

There was nothing but tense silence. Even though this was probably meant to break Ami down, I think everyone was a little nervous. I know I must look so naïve. If she turns out to be this bad guy, my aspirations to be a great strategist might as well be squandered. This wasn't a good move on my part..

"I..wa-…um…."

_Zhou Yu and Lu Meng would argue that I have potential, but-_

"Why Are You HERE."

_You're not as profound as you would like to think…_

It was painful watching. If looks could kill, she would be a goner. Ami was crippling under the tense-

"I want to become an officer of Wu! If I couldn't save and defend the people of my village, I want to join a kingdom who love each other deeply and espouse strangers as if they were brothers. Lord Sun Jian, I marvel at what you've accomplished, how you handle things, and where this kingdom is going. I..know I wasn't given an invite, and this wasn't the best way to go about it, but I couldn't think of any other way to meet…you.."

* * *

Hehehe, I knew this one was feisty! She toned down her voice near the end of her little diametric. Dialogue. Diatribe. One of those fancy ass words Lu Xun uses all the time. I gotta admit, they had me goin' for good minute! I could tell Lu Xun probably stopped breathing, the old man over there look like he was going to break his fuckin' leg if he leaned any further on it, the other old guy looked like he smelled shit, and the other other old guy looked like he could shoot daggers from his eyes!

"Huh. Is that so." Lord Sun Jian finally chilled for sec and rested back in his chair. He began doing that smirk thing he does and rested his head on a fist. Several seconds passed before he decided to say anything.

"Well, I don't let just anybody become an officer. Come back tomorrow."

The fuck?!

Is he kidding right now?

Like I expected, Lu Meng lost his balance and fell on his face. Lu Xun started choking on his spit (which he probably wanted to swap with the new chick). Oh, and I said, "The fuck?!"

I could only see the back of Nami's beautiful head, but I'm sure she was thinking the same thing.

"Are..are you being serious? Oh, um..not to question your judgment or anything..my lord.." Nami (is that her name?) said as she bowed her head.

"Hahahaha, actually, I'm not." Lord Sun Jian got up and started walking over to her.

Oh man, I hope he lets her join. The only girls we have around here are his family members and I'm sure Papa tiger would gladly take down Big Ning if any of his tiger cubs were 'in danger' of being bitten by a big, nasty cobra, hehe.

"Maybe you're bad news, maybe you're trouble. But I'll give you a chance." Yami practically broke her neck from the way she whipped her head to look at Lord Sun Jian.

"I take it you like challenges?"

* * *

**A/N:** I want to keep this in it's pristine noob state, so the writing style will improve as it goes on (naturally) but lmao i totally understand that this reads in a very amateurish way

In any case, hopefully you'll stick around to see how the story pans out and thank you for your time!

c:


	6. She Likes MY Husband and She Can't Deny

Congratulations, self. You're in the biggest heap of trouble yet! 'Just HAD to sass the big guy of Wu. Well..to be fair, it wasn't exactly sass, I DID answer his question. He didn't need to get so impatient! There's not a lot of people who can give a calm and collected answer to a question when they're getting yelled at! And buff, meaty old guy was just laughing it up inside! That's why his braided ponytail looks stupid!

...Okay no, his braid is awesome and I just want to rag on him..

Ugh! That was such a crippling display in there! I bet everyone thought I was weak! That was so embarrassing, I'm not sure if I can show my face to them again! I hope Lu Meng and Lu Xun weren't high ranking officers, 'cause that'll add more insult to injury if I wanna save some face.

_AHHH!_

A decent-sized pebble burst into smaller pieces as I chucked it against the wall. The dumbass guard who's supposed to be watching me dozed off in the corner and didn't even feel the stone shrapnel batter his face. Stupid guard.

Just like that stupid rock that hit his stupid face that first hit the stupid wall which there is four of because they're stupid and four stupid walls make up a stupid room WHICH I'M IMPRISONED IN BECAUSE APPARENTLY, I'M STUPID TOO!

*sigh*

Maybe sneaking into this place wasn't the best move to make at this point in time.

_Or maybe I shouldn't have gotten myself caught.._

The chance of being caught would have been the same, probably. At least Lu Xun was nice.

_Because there was a very good chance that every word he said was calculated and he probably had intentions of out-smarting you from the beginning.._

I mean, even that Gan Ning guy seemed like a pretty awesome dude if you tweaked his personality. A LOT. A LOOOT of tweaking, maybe.

'_Cause guys who think you're a prostitute at first impression are the best.._

I'm sure me and Lu Meng just got off on the wrong foot.

_Oh yeah, he thought you were a prostitute, too, didn't he? Actually, there's no doubt in his mind that you are, indeed, a prostitute._

Ugh, I can't even win the fights I have in my mind! You know you hit rock bottom when you can't even talk to your own damn self. *sigh*

But ya know? Roaming the dark halls was kinda fun. At least there was air circulating around so I wouldn't have to replace oxygen with some odd, smelling dust. The genius of a guard I have 'watching' over me decided to light a damn torch in this stuffy ass room; so not only is it incredibly stagnant but I have the luxury of having a fire burn in this summer heat and a completely useless idiot guzzling all of the oxygen I need to survive. Oh, shit, wait a minute. FIRE needs oxygen to burn, too, doesn't it?

Who the hell does this!?

I squirm around the semi-cold stone floor with incredible discomfort as I try to think happy thoughts. Just haaappy thoughts.

Hmm, well, for one thing, at least I get another chance to live! I can't say I'm all that excited about this challenge, but hey! Keeping my life is all the incentive I need to agree! Oh, and maybe whatever punishment I get will be to just leave this kingdom or something. That's cool, too.

It's getting really gross in here. My hair is sticking to my sweaty skin, that guy over there is pretty smelly, I'm hungry, and I might possibly have to use the bathroom.

_Grrrrglegrrrrll_

Okay, there's no doubt I'm hungry. With a heavy sigh, I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. It really does feel like I'm running out of oxygen in here..ugh. I lazily wipe my face of the beads of sweat that seem to form instantaneously after I did so. The salty water burned as it trailed into my eyes and began to pool at that general spot on my face. My breathing became shallower with each huff and now I'm POSITIVE that I'm running out of oxygen.

_Alrighty, let's see here~_

I can lay here, die from asphyxiation and keep this guy company, or I can walk over to the door, possibly just step out, aaand try and memorize my way back to some familiar spots.

This was such a hard choice.

Not really attempting to be quiet, I used the wall for support as I hoisted myself up. I definitely lost a lot of energy just wasting here. While I raised my arms to stretch out a bit, sweat dribbled down my arm and legs as if I was being rained on! At this rate, I seriously hope I don't get caught again. Anyone who tries to nab me will be assaulted with a surprise attack of sweat and possible body odor! On second thought..that might be a good thing if that allows me escape again, haha!

After I stretched my legs, I took a moment to ready myself for a dash. Well, more like a simple walk across the room, but whatever. The guard is still pretty deep in sleep, but the more that I think about it, he's probably out cold from the heat or something. So with that in mind, I casually walk over to the door, step over his legs that are sprawled out, and grip the handle.

I give the handle a firm tug.

Oh. My goodness.

Why am I not surprised that the door is locked.

Why.

Not trying to die in this room, I keep pulling frantically and it appears to budge, but it won't give way! In the process of cursing an inanimate object while hysterically yanking at it, steady sharp pangs assault my left foot. I mean, I wasn't even on my feet the entire duration I was in here! I look down just in case some type of mutant spider found its way in here with me and-….

Oh..

I reposition myself by moving my left foot from behind the door and give the door opening thing another try. With another jerk, the door swings open and that marvelous breeze I was yearning for finally envelops me while extinguishing the torch in the room. The guard is still knocked out, so uh, I guess when he wakes up, he won't have job anymore. At least his oxygen supply has been replenished. He'll still have that when he wakes up. Hehe, oh man, I'm terrible..

With the door closing behind me, I look both ways down the hall. Into complete darkness, of course. Ugh, I just want to find somewhere to rest where there's light AND oxygen and maybe even a little food. Let's see: on my way here to the dungeon, I passed several windows from my way out of the throne room, there seemed to be a huge room full of, I dunno, royal-people-only stuff, there was some more windowed hallways, then we turned. I think to the left? Walk, walk, walk, we enter darkness, down some stairs, walking and walking aaand I guess here I am?

Iuno.

I don't even know if I even passed all of that stuff. I was wrapped up in the whole 'okay little girl, you will either die in the dungeon or die taking the challenge we'll be preparing, either way, you'll die' thing, sooo I can't say I was fully paying attention to my surroundings. I guess the first thing I should do is look for some stairs, in any case.

Hopefully I'm the only one roaming these halls at the moment, 'cause I am just so happy to be free again! So happy, I'm pretty much skipping blindly into walls and not caring if someone feels my hair dance all over the place.

But of course, I immediately take that back as I hear heavy footsteps coming from my right. They sound confident, like as if they know where they're going in this darkness. I grope the walls until I can find a corner, and once I do, I swiftly grab at my fly-away hair so I won't have a repeat of today's incident.

Seriously, whoever this is has a good sense of direction if they can walk these halls without bumping into anything! Anxiety continues to build up inside of me as the steps get closer and closer. My legs become jittery and the sudden need to dash is only three seconds away from happening.

Okay okay, let's think! Thinking can come in handy once in a while if I do it right! Alright um, I think the only thing down here is the dungeon, right? So uh, they must be- oh my goodness oh my goodness! They're right in front of me! I'm gonna scream or something, moooove!

Fright or flight is all I'm thinking right now! But because I was having such a freak out, my body remained petrified in the corner as the person was in my immediate vicinity. They're so close, I can smell them! The scent of outdoors and sweat lingered in the breeze and I had no choice but to take it. Oh goodness, wait a minute. What if that's ME?!

_Please don't smell me please don't smell me please don't smell me…_

The footsteps continued down around the corner without a single pause. Having my body stall like that probably saved me, because whoever it was didn't seem to notice me. Oh, thank God! Okay, so let me reset my priorities. I need to find somewhere to rest with plenty of oxygen, light, food, AND water to bathe in!

I continued to stand in the corner with my hair in hand like an idiot. The fright started to where off when I heard some distant knocking. Why would someone knock on doors down here? Is it a way to communicate in the darkness? Is it to..oh no…

Oh HELL to the NO.

Not wasting another thought, it was time for flight! That guy is going to find the guy out cold in the dark and OF COURSE I had something to do with it because that's how things always played out! 'Hey, the prisoner probably did this!' is how it always goes! I charged the halls with where I believed to be the location of the stairs. I can't say I didn't charge some walls either, but, ya know. Wherever that guy came from, it had to be around here somewhere! Ugh! I can imagine the stupid conversation that will take place. 'Oh yeah, she must have knocked me out cold and escaped! No wonder my face is so warm!'

No, you dumbass. You sat in an insanely small room with a frikken' torch and slept. Without LOCKING THE DOOR. Agh! With my experience breaking into places, the thought process of guards are always predictable. It's almost like a game where I try to imagine what order the- OOfph!

Ouuuch.

Well, if anyone asks, I know a sure-fire way to lose all of your teeth in one fell trip of the stairs. I guess I found them. The stairs, that is.

Making sure the blood I tasted was not the result of a loss of teeth, I practically crawled up the steps. I slid my tongue over my teeth, making sure all of my little white chompers were still intact. I think I either busted my lip or cut my inner cheek. All of my teeth are stiiill here. WELL. Good thing it's dark so no one will see the initial damage right away.

As pathetic as it was, I crawled all the way to the top of the stairs. Once I was on a leveled surface, I stood up to assess my surroundings. The hallway had light emanating from around the corner, and the breeze blew a bit stronger. Oh yeah! FINALLY.

I'm still not sure if I can remember my way back to the common areas, but just seeing sunlight seems promising! Walking a sprightly pace, I get to the end of the hall and peek around the corner only to duck back – hopefully fast enough.

That Gan Ning guy was there along with another guy with a ponytail. From the way they were standing, it looked as if they were listening out for something. I lowered myself to the floor and peeped again. After another pause, they began to tip-toe down a hall. There was an adjacent corridor going straight down from here, so from my perspective, they took a right. Blondie keeps jingling, and the ponytail guy seems to hate those stupid bells. Okay, now they're both being stupid. I can hear them all the way down here!

I stand up and begin to walk down the windowed hallway, hoping that those two don't decide to turn around and discover me. Hahaha, these two idiots make no effort to whisper as they pretty much talk loud enough for anyone passing by to hear! Pressing myself against the wall, I'm half way to the other side until my heart almost jumps out of my chest from a sudden and unexpected yell.

"_WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO! C'mere baby cakes, I don't think we had a proper introduction! Lu Xun ain't here to make it awkward! It's me! Don't run off!"_

Those damned bells rattled with every step that was taken, and if I heard correctly, bells rattled with every wall that was crashed into. Much lighter footsteps went down the hall after Gan Ning and whoever that guy was seemed to be used to the stupidity.

The footsteps grew fainter and when I thought the coast was clear, I continued to stand in the middle of the hallway. I gazed out the window to the setting sun. The breeze was still stirring, but it had died down a bit. Before I set off again, I took a quick moment to think.

_Do you think you can back up that lie? Do you really want be a Wu Officer?_

A slight smile found its way onto my face as I reminisced what has happened in just one day of me being here. The sun was emitting its final rays as I turned the corner.

_I guess I'll find out._


	7. Pet the Wall! NO! The Soft One!

"So she's hot?"

"Well, yeah, I guess, but she's kinda aggressive like Lady Sun Shang Xiang. You know how _that_ goes."

"Ugh, damn, why even bother.."

"Yeah, hehe, I guess I'm better off with Lady Xiao Qiao after all. You can keep Lady Da Qiao!"

"Hey! I don't need your permission to have her!"

"Whatever. Haha, but you're gonna need _her_ permission to even breathe the same air she does!"

"At least she doesn't need permission to sit at the grown-ups table! Please, Lady Da Qiao is a true woman!"

"Whoa whoa, hold up! My woman is all the woman your woman _wish_ she could be but being a woman is too woman for her!"

"….Shut up man and watch where you're going."

"…"

"….."

"IF LADY DA QIAO WAS A TRUE WOMAN WHY DOES SHE NEED THAT BIG BEEFCAKE HOVERING AROUN-"

"LADY XIAO QIAO HAS A- OOMPH!"

"Ow! What the hell is that?! This isn't a wall! Here, feel this!"

"Yeah, this feel pretty weird too, feel my weird wall! Hehehe, it's pretty soft~ Ooh! Pet the top, it's so…silky, so…velveAHHH!"

"Whoa man, what was that sound?! It sounded like a poppAAHHHH!"

"I-I-ITS LORD ZHOU YU! LORD SUN CE HAVE COME TO KILL US!"

"LORD SUN CE! ARRGHAAAHH! MY ARM! PLEASE SPARE ME! I-I really admire your wife, b-but not like, y-you know, l-like he uh, uh, I WAS STANDING UP FOR LADY DA QIAO! HE-"

"BULLSHIT! L-LORD ZHOU YU! Did you hear what he said about Lady Xiao Qiao?! He s-said she was too err, uh, she hasn't experienced a-a R-REAL man yet until she GAAHHH! ARAAAGHHH! IM SORRY! IM SORRY! PLEASE! LET ME GO! I-I WONT SPEAK HER EVER AGAIN! I-IM SORRY MY LORD!"

"M-M-ME T-TOO! L-LORD SUN CE! PLEASE! P-PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I-I-"

"Run."

"YES, MY LORDS!"

A jumble of footsteps could be heard as the two dumbasses scrambled down the hallway. By the sounds of it, it seemed like they were breaking their face against the walls in every which way your face could be broken…if that was possible I guess. I'm not sure what the qualifications are in order to work here, but Lord Sun Jian, you know what you're doing, pal. Hiring: You're doing it right.

"Wow, and that's whose keeping the security tight around here, right? It's no wonder she got in here!"

"Hey, don't knock the security, man! Because of them, I was able to get those, uh, what's-their-face?"

"I don't even remember either, that night was such a blur. Where did they even come from?"

"I think they came from Xu Chang, or somethin' like that. No more girls from there! Crazy!"

"Damn, really? They came a long ways just to party with the Ling~ But I wonder if Da and Xiao know they have big creepers stalking after them."

"Bahaha! Dude, that dipshit thought he could get with Xiao Qiao? Pffft, whatever! She wants _me_ on the down low!"

"You dumb fuck! If Zhou Yu heard you say that you would be dead! Now shut up and let's get going."

"Whatever, man. By the way, how did you get your hair so silky and soft~? Boy, aren't I soo jealous of you~! OW!"

Only a smack behind the head was the most appropriate to that. Damn guards feeling me up. It's bad enough just dealing with the hungry eyes of women feasting on this body. *sigh* What a drag. Me and the dufus continue along the breezy corridors in hopes of seeing this chick. Every sentry we encounter has a different story. One said that she escaped the dungeon and now she's roaming the halls again, another said she's dressed up like one of Shang Xiang's lady guards and plans to kill someone, and a third claims she's actually some type of mole that Lord Sun Jian planted in order to see how keen everyone is.

I dunno. Whatever she's here for, I hope she doesn't kill me in my sleep or something. I would get kinda pissed.

There's so many damn hallways in this place its ridiculous. Even after living here for so long I still get lost. Actually, I'm not even sure where we're headed right now..

"Hey Ling Tong, isn't the dungeon that way?"

"YES GAN NING, I was just making sure no one was following us! The hell, you don't think I know my way?"

"Well I'm pretty sure that way wasn't it."

"ITS PITCH BLACK IN HERE LIKE YOU KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING EITHER!"

"ITS INSTITUTION!"

A face palm would have to suffice.

" . . Intuition, Gan Ning."

"Whatever. I still think it's this way."

*sigh* "Then we should be seeing some light soon. A window should be nearby."

Walking down these halls are kinda tough. You're pretty much blind and the wind is always drying your eyes out. If you walk normally, you could easily run into a wall or corner if you're a bit late on detecting its presence. As of now, the score is settled at Me: 5 Gan Ning: 13. Though he's adamant on saying he only hit a wall once, hearing fucking bells clash violently into a wall many times over and over again tells me a different story.

With more walking ahead of us, we turned a corner and began walking a very long hall. At the end, we turned another corner to _surprise!_ more walking for the good ol' legs. As we approached another corner, the adjacent hallway had sunlight seeping its way into the opposite corner. _Finally!_

Walking with more confidence, we proceeded to the end of the hall and finally got to the window on the other hall. The windows here are gigantic; it's almost like you're not even the building and you can see all of the land from this one spot. As long you don't want to see the land 360 degrees around, this is the place to be to see the world.

By the looks of the vermillion rays of sunlight, the sun is on its way to set. Man, the way the trees rustle in the wind and how the townspeople simply mosey about, I could just perch myself here at the sill and forget about everything. It's so peaceful and-

"Are ya just going to stand there an' daydream or we gonna find our new party pal?"

Dickass.

"Yeah whatever. We should…."

"_Oh shit!"_

"What?-"

"SHH. Did you hear that?" I coulda sworn I just heard someone speak. Someone. _Female._

Gan Ning and I stood silently, listening out for any other sounds or voices. The stirring breeze was beginning to die down, so that wasn't likely the source. He motioned his eyes over to the far end of the hall that we had yet to walk. With our feet padding the ground ever so quietly, I'm sure she didn't hear us coming.

_Tip-toe *jingle*_

_Tip-toe *jingle*_

_Tip-toe *jingle*_

_*intense glare*_

_*non-apologetic smirk*_

_Tip-toe *jingle*_

_Tip-toe *jingle*_

"_Ning! Take the damn bells off!"_

"_Don't shout at me!"_

"_I'm not shouting at you! I'm whispering LOUDLY at you! Now take them off!"_

"_NO!"_

"_Ugh! You're so stupid! No wonder you're always getting caught sneaking around bath houses and shit!"_

"_Hey hey, the ladies gotta know that Mack Daddy Ning is coming!"_

"_Just shut up! She's probably far off-_"

"_She?! You heard a girl?!_ WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO! C'mere baby cakes, I don't think we had a proper introduction! Lu Xun ain't here to make it awkward! It's me! Don't run off!"

Gan Ning dashed down the hall and began shouting after the unseen female. Hell, it might not even be a girl, the voice just sounded girly. I mean, sometimes even Ding Feng sounds a little girly when he steps on a flower or something.

*sigh*

Night time is fast approaching, so this little trek will get a tad bit harder. Why does this frikken' castle have to be a labyrinth! Breaking out in a jaunty stride with my hands behind my head, I take my time catching up with Gan Ning and the person.

*_clashingle!* _

Yep. That smash into the wall indicates he isn't but so far.

What a dumb ass.


	8. To the Windooows, to the WALLS!

"My feet hurt!"

*Gasp!* "Wait! I think I have a stray hair! Can we find a hallway with less breeze? Please? See, I made it rhyme!"

"OH MY GOSH what if she's really mean and really did try to kill someone?!"

"I better not find some scantily clad hussy in that dungeon!"

"The other day, Zhou Yu gave me some flowers and said I was effervescent and exquisite. What does that mean? I got really mad at him because I didn't know what it meant but now I think it's a good thing…"

"I mean really! MY husband?!"

"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUSH!? JUST. FOR. A minute. One minute is all I'm asking."

Once you get them going, the Qiaos' can be hard to quiet! We're supposed to be adventurin', here! Not complaining and pondering every damn thing in life! Even though it's dark, I can feel eyes burning into my back. And the long locks of Da's hair tickling my arm! Geez, put that up or something! I swat my arm to free the hair tentacles that dare to ensnarl me in its…uh...tentacles…*ahem*

Well, whatever, it's not like I go on and on non-stop ten minutes straight! Besides the low whisper of the breeze, the small clopping sounds of shoes resonated within the hallway. Roaming these hall when its quiet is kinda creepy; you never know when someone else will round the corner and scare the shit out of you. I mean, that's what I like to do, but there's so many people who have me on their scare-shitless list that I always gotta be on guard!

The air was getting thick with tension; not the I'm-going-to-kill-you-Shang-if-this-is-just-a-waste-of-time-and-this-is-just-one-of-your-schemes-to- put-us-in-a-very-bad-predicament or the Shaaaaang!-not-even-Gan-Ning-would-do-something-that-dirty kinda tension, but the good kind!

"OKAY WHAT IS IT YOU GUYS!?"

"Ha-ha! That was only 17 seconds, I knew you couldn't resist!"

"Shang Xiang, if she has a beauty mark above her lip on the left, she can't be trusted!"

I stood there in what I think is the middle of the hall and just roll my eyes. Right when I thought we were being serious. You guys never fail to prove me wrong.

"Wat. Okay, cool cool! So listen up! I think we might be like, kinda almost there? So we need to have a plan as to what we'll do and say and stuff!"

"Huh. That never really crossed my mind..what ARE we going to do?" Da Qiao pondered aloud. She must be on my left because her long hair keeps TOUCHING MY ARM. What does she do with all that hair, anyways? Besides having Ce braid it into weird looking corn on the cob.

"I say that we try to be friends with her first before we decide she's an enemy! If she turns out to be a good guy, then we can't not like her!" Xiao huffed. I can tell she was doing that silly puffer fish face from the way she said that.

"You can't befriend any and every person, Xiao. What if she doesn't like YOU when she sees you?"

"And what if she actually has a thing for Zhou Yu instead of Sun Ce?" Oh God I probably shouldn't have started this again! Hahaha, but I couldn't resist!

"Sun Shang Xiang! That is not funny at all!" I hear as I go against the wall with excessive force. Geez, they didn't have to take it like that!

"OW! Hey! Shang Xiang, there's no need to shove me!" whined Xiao. I KNOW she ain't complaining about being shoved! SHE just SHOVED me against the wall! And with a lot of force for a person who's small like she is!

"YOU just pushed ME! I won't make any more husband stealing jokes if it bothers y'all that much!"

"W-WHAA! RUN! I-its Lady Xiao Qiao!"

"My-my Lady! A-actually, I m-mean, _Lord Zhou Yu's _Lady, please forgive me! P-p-please don't let your husband kill me! I-I didn't mean what I said, JUST PLEASE, s-spare me!"

"Xiao? Who is that?"

"L-LADY DA QIAO?! I-I'm very sorry, too! B-b-b-but unlike this idiot, I'm not going to, uh, uhh, I-I-I'm gonna _ask_ for your forgiveness! I-I won't tell you what to do l-l-like this insincere scum has told your sis-"

"THERE YOU GO AGAIN WITH TRYING TO THROW ME UNDER THE CARRIAGE!"

"YOU PUT YOURSELF UNDER THE CARRIAGE!"

Umm, when Xiao complained about me not being around for the latest gossip since I was spending too much time training with the guys, is this what she meant?! It's pretty dark in here, but I can't be the only who's a bit confused! I reach out to touch someone so I can at least get an idea of who's who and-

"Oooh, Lady Da Qiao! I am so undeserving of such an apology! Please, no more~"

"WHOA PAL, you definitely have the wrong idea and I am NOT Da Qiao!"

"Ohh man, you got touched by the princess! Tell me I was right and say her hands are like mittens except they are sewn with angel feathers!"

"Yeah, I'm not sure about angel feathers, but they are soft.."

Enough of this creepy stupidity! "I don't know who the hell you guys are, but I, being ya know, the princess, I'm going to report you to my father! You better haul ass outta here!" Now that I think about it, are these two, like, intruders or what? Ahh man, I wasn't even really thinking about them being robbers or anything!

"NO! NO! P-please, no! Lord Zhou Yu has already threatened us with, with, Oh! Only God knows what he'll do to us! PLEASE! We're o-outta the way! O Lady Wu! Please, spare usssss!"

"Yes! Please! I-I can't afford to lose my job! D-don't worry, my Lady Xiao Qiao, I will continue to guard this place to keep you safe! C-c'mon let's do our duty!"

"Lady Da Qiao! I-I…..I thought of that first!"

"Bull! You know what? We aren't friends anymore!" The morons scrambled down the hall way blindly as they began and continued to bicker the whole ways down. They jumbled into walls and each other AT LEAST four times. It was no wonder they crashed into me and Xiao so hard!

I shuffled my hair slightly as I took a quick minute to think about what just happened. What the hell was that about? Does Dad know these hooligans are running around being DUMB? Hehe, now that I think about it, their voices sound familiar..Ooh! I know! They're the suckers who do a terrible job at securing the gates and stuff! I am SO thinking about reporting them just so I don't see another prostitute waltz up in here as if she has privileges or something! Damn floozies…

Oh, yeah, speaking of which! The prisoner prostitute girl!

"Umm, seeing as how you two are totally cheating on your husbands with two idiot guards, I guess the seductress can have them now~! Hahaha, let's get going!" I teased again in only one breath. I stumbled forward in case, ya know, a random fist decided to burrow itself into my face. Disapproving grunts were the only thing to be heard.

Ohhh man, it seemed like we walked on and on and on, even if it WAS like, 20 feet or so. Anyways, right as we turned a corner, there was a super longer hallway than the rest of the stupid long hallways we've walked down. At the end was some sunlight and me oh MY was I HAPPY.

"You guys know what this means?" I egged on excitedly.

"Yay! A bathroom break! I was holding it for a while now!"

"I'm pretty sure she has a beauty mark on the left side of her upper lip. We absolutely cannot be friends!"

The hall was still pretty dark, but I can make out Xiao's potty dance and Da's attitude as she had her hand on her hip. "Whatever. No guys, this, argh! Y'all are so difficult! You're totally missing….the…"

"Xiang, are you still here? You can't sneak up on us if we're onto-"

"Shh! Quiet! Listen!" I thought I heard something, or rather, someone! Someone…dude…

"Shang, I don't hear any-"I cupped Xiao's mouth shut with my hand so I could get a better listen. Well, I think that was her mouth…it was moist…oh no, the more I think about it the more guilty I feel about it! Xiao, please tell me that wasn't like, your eye or something! Oh crap, I'm supposed to be listening but I can't listen if I have my hand on your eyeball! I am telepathically telling you to bite me if this is your mouth, Xiao Qiao. Xiao Qiao, do you read? XIAO QIAO I'M SORRY!

"Eww, Shang, your hand tastes nasty.." was the reply when I released my hand.

"Shang, your right! I heard them, too! Who do you think it might be?" Dammit! If Xiao's pseudo eyeball didn't distract me!

"I'm not sure, Da. I say we go ahead a bit further since we were going that way, anyways."

Cautiously as three excited girls could, we tip-toed a bit further down the hall to the point where were almost visible completely. We all turned to each other as we heard weird sounds and some guys talking.

"…stand…daydream…party pal?"

"Yeah whatever….."

The voices sound kinda familiar, but they're still a little too far away for me to grasp who they might be. Just as I was about to take a step forward to hear better, something scuttled up my back in one swift motion and I swear if It's one of those monstrous black spiders!

"Oh shit!" I dance around trying to swat it whatever creeping thing it might be, only to yank Da's hair. UGH my goodness she is SO lucky I didn't take a fist full of her hair and rip it out! She was about to be bald in less than three seconds!

"DAMMIT, DA! TAME YOUR HAIR!"

"SHANG XIANG THAT HURT!"

"GUYS, RUN!" Xiao tugged us both and for a moment I had no idea why. Whoever was around that corner heard us and began to chase after us! Oh great, now I KNOW this one is gonna be 'my fault' so I simply get on my feet correctly and run on my own. There's a lot of noise with the running but I cant exactly register what it is over my loud ass beating heart and stomping feet.

"….Ain't here!...Me!...Don't run off!"

Like hell I ain't! Me and the girls make some distance between us and the chaser but surprisingly, he's able to keep up regardless of running into several walls.

Oh boy, please don't be a robber or intruder! Hehe, but hey! This is what an adventure is all about!


	9. Me, Myself, and Stupid

Congratulations, self. You're in the biggest heap of trouble yet! 'Just HAD to sass the big guy of Wu. Well..to be fair, it wasn't exactly sass, I DID answer his question. He didn't need to get so impatient! There's not a lot of people who can give a calm and collected answer to a question when they're getting yelled at! And buff, meaty old guy was just laughing it up inside! That's why his braided ponytail looks stupid!

...Okay no, his braid is awesome and I just want to rag on him..

Ugh! That was such a crippling display in there! I bet everyone thought I was weak! That was so embarrassing, I'm not sure if I can show my face to them again! I hope Lu Meng and Lu Xun weren't high ranking officers, 'cause that'll add more insult to injury if I wanna save some face.

_AHHH!_

A decent-sized pebble burst into smaller pieces as I chucked it against the wall. The dumbass guard who's supposed to be watching me dozed off in the corner and didn't even feel the stone shrapnel batter his face. Stupid guard.

Just like that stupid rock that hit his stupid face that first hit the stupid wall which there is four of because they're stupid and four stupid walls make up a stupid room WHICH I'M IMPRISONED IN BECAUSE APPARENTLY, I'M STUPID TOO!

*sigh*

Maybe sneaking into this place wasn't the best move to make at this point in time.

_Or maybe I shouldn't have gotten myself caught.._

The chance of being caught would have been the same, probably. At least Lu Xun was nice.

_Because there was a very good chance that every word he said was calculated and he probably had intentions of out-smarting you from the beginning.._

I mean, even that Gan Ning guy seemed like a pretty awesome dude if you tweaked his personality. A LOT. A LOOOT of tweaking, maybe.

'_Cause guys who think you're a prostitute at first impression are the best.._

I'm sure me and Lu Meng just got off on the wrong foot.

_Oh yeah, he thought you were a prostitute, too, didn't he? Actually, there's no doubt in his mind that you are, indeed, a prostitute._

Ugh, I can't even win the fights I have in my mind! You know you hit rock bottom when you can't even talk to your own damn self.

_*sigh*_

But ya know? Roaming the dark halls was kinda fun. At least there was air circulating around so I wouldn't have to replace oxygen with some odd, smelling dust. The genius of a guard I have 'watching' over me decided to light a damn torch in this stuffy ass room; so not only is it incredibly stagnant but I have the luxury of having a fire burn in this summer heat and a completely useless idiot guzzling all of the oxygen I need to survive. Oh, shit, wait a minute. FIRE needs oxygen to burn, too, doesn't it?

Who the hell does this!?

I squirm around the semi-cold stone floor with incredible discomfort as I try to think happy thoughts. Just haaappy thoughts.

Hmm, well, for one thing, at least I get another chance to live! I can't say I'm all that excited about this challenge, but hey! Keeping my life is all the incentive I need to agree! Oh, and maybe whatever punishment I get will be to just leave this kingdom or something. That's cool, too.

It's getting really gross in here. My hair is sticking to my sweaty skin, that guy over there is pretty smelly, I'm hungry, and I might possibly have to use the bathroom.

_Grrrrglegrrrrll_

Okay, there's no doubt I'm hungry. With a heavy sigh, I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. It really does feel like I'm running out of oxygen in here..ugh. I lazily wipe my face of the beads of sweat that seem to form instantaneously after I did so. The salty water burned as it trailed into my eyes and began to pool at that general spot on my face. My breathing became shallower with each huff and now I'm POSITIVE that I'm running out of oxygen.

_Alrighty, let's see here~_

I can lay here, die from asphyxiation and keep this guy company, or I can walk over to the door, possibly just step out, aaand try and memorize my way back to some familiar spots.

This was such a hard choice.

Not really attempting to be quiet, I used the wall for support as I hoisted myself up. I definitely lost a lot of energy just wasting here. While I raised my arms to stretch out a bit, sweat dribbled down my arm and legs as if I was being rained on! At this rate, I seriously hope I don't get caught again. Anyone who tries to nab me will be assaulted with a surprise attack of sweat and possible body odor! On second thought..that might be a good thing if that allows me escape again, haha!

After I stretched my legs, I took a moment to ready myself for a dash. Well, more like a simple walk across the room, but whatever. The guard is still pretty deep in sleep, but the more that I think about it, he's probably out cold from the heat or something. So with that in mind, I casually walk over to the door, step over his legs that are sprawled out, and grip the handle.

I give the handle a firm tug.

Oh. My goodness.

Why am I not surprised that the door is locked.

Why.

Not trying to die in this room, I keep pulling frantically and it appears to budge, but it won't give way! In the process of cursing an inanimate object while hysterically yanking at it, steady sharp pangs assault my left foot. I mean, I wasn't even on my feet the entire duration I was in here! I look down just in case some type of mutant spider found its way in here with me and-….

Oh..

I reposition myself by moving my left foot from behind the door and give the door opening thing another try. With another jerk, the door swings open and that marvelous breeze I was yearning for finally envelops me while extinguishing the torch in the room. The guard is still knocked out, so uh, I guess when he wakes up, he won't have job anymore. At least his oxygen supply has been replenished. He'll still have that when he wakes up. _Hehe, oh man, I'm terrible.._

With the door closing behind me, I look both ways down the hall. Into complete darkness, of course. Ugh, I just want to find somewhere to rest where there's light AND oxygen and maybe even a little food. Let's see: on my way here to the dungeon, I passed several windows from my way out of the throne room, there seemed to be a huge room full of, I dunno, royal-people-only stuff, there was some more windowed hallways, then we turned. I think to the left? Walk, walk, walk, we enter darkness, down some stairs, walking and walking aaand I guess here I am?

Iuno.

I don't even know if I even passed all of that stuff. I was wrapped up in the whole 'okay little girl, you will either die in the dungeon or die taking the challenge we'll be preparing, either way, you'll die' thing, sooo I can't say I was fully paying attention to my surroundings. I guess the first thing I should do is look for some stairs, in any case.

Hopefully I'm the only one roaming these halls at the moment, 'cause I am just so happy to be free again! So happy, I'm pretty much skipping blindly into walls and not caring if someone feels my hair dance all over the place.

But of course, I immediately take that back as I hear heavy footsteps coming from my right. They sound confident, like as if they know where they're going in this darkness. I grope the walls until I can find a corner, and once I do, I swiftly grab at my fly-away hair so I won't have a repeat of today's incident.

Seriously, whoever this is has a good sense of direction if they can walk these halls without bumping into anything! Anxiety continues to build up inside of me as the steps get closer and closer. My legs become jittery and the sudden need to dash is only three seconds away from happening.

Okay okay, let's think! Thinking can come in handy once in a while if I do it right! Alright um, I think the only thing down here is the dungeon, right? So uh, they must be- oh my goodness oh my goodness! They're right in front of me! I'm gonna scream or something, moooove!

Fright or flight is all I'm thinking right now! But because I was having such a freak out, my body remained petrified in the corner as the person was in my immediate vicinity. They're so close, I can smell them! The scent of outdoors and sweat lingered in the breeze and I had no choice but to take it. Oh goodness, wait a minute. What if that's ME?!

_Please don't smell me please don't smell me please don't smell me…_

The footsteps continued down around the corner without a single pause. Having my body stall like that probably saved me, because whoever it was didn't seem to notice me. Oh, thank God! Okay, so let me reset my priorities. I need to find somewhere to rest with plenty of oxygen, light, food, AND water to bathe in!

I continued to stand in the corner with my hair in hand like an idiot. The fright started to where off when I heard some distant knocking. Why would someone knock on doors down here? Is it a way to communicate in the darkness? Is it to..oh no…

Oh HELL to the NO.

Not wasting another thought, it was time for flight! That guy is going to find the guy out cold in the dark and OF COURSE I had something to do with it because that's how things always played out! 'Hey, the prisoner probably did this!' is how it always goes! I charged the halls with where I believed to be the location of the stairs. I can't say I didn't charge some walls either, but, ya know. Wherever that guy came from, it had to be around here somewhere! Ugh! I can imagine the stupid conversation that will take place. 'Oh yeah, she must have knocked me out cold and escaped! No wonder my face is so warm!'

No, you dumbass. You sat in an insanely small room with a frikken' torch and slept. Without LOCKING THE DOOR. Agh! With my experience breaking into places, the thought process of guards are always predictable. It's almost like a game where I try to imagine what order the- OOfph!

Ouuuch.

Well, if anyone asks, I know a sure-fire way to lose all of your teeth in one fell trip of the stairs. I guess I found them. The stairs, that is.

Making sure the blood I tasted was not the result of a loss of teeth, I practically crawled up the steps. I slid my tongue over my teeth, making sure all of my little white chompers were still intact. I think I either busted my lip or cut my inner cheek. All of my teeth are stiiill here. WELL. Good thing it's dark so no one will see the initial damage right away.

As pathetic as it was, I crawled all the way to the top of the stairs. Once I was on a leveled surface, I stood up to assess my surroundings. The hallway had light emanating from around the corner, and the breeze blew a bit stronger. Oh yeah! FINALLY.

I'm still not sure if I can remember my way back to the common areas, but just seeing sunlight seems promising! Walking a sprightly pace, I get to the end of the hall and peek around the corner only to duck back – hopefully fast enough.

That Gan Ning guy was there along with another guy with a ponytail. From the way they were standing, it looked as if they were listening out for something. I lowered myself to the floor and peeped again. After another pause, they began to tip-toe down a hall. There was an adjacent corridor going straight down from here, so from my perspective, they took a right. Blondie keeps jingling, and the ponytail guy seems to hate those stupid bells. Okay, now they're both being stupid. I can hear them all the way down here!

I stand up and begin to walk down the windowed hallway, hoping that those two don't decide to turn around and discover me. Hahaha, these two idiots make no effort to whisper as they pretty much talk loud enough for anyone passing by to hear! Pressing myself against the wall, I'm half way to the other side until my heart almost jumps out of my chest from a sudden and unexpected yell.

"_WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO! C'mere baby cakes, I don't think we had a proper introduction! Lu Xun ain't here to make it awkward! It's me! Don't run off!"_

Those damned bells rattled with every step that was taken, and if I heard correctly, bells rattled with every wall that was crashed into. Much lighter footsteps went down the hall after Gan Ning and whoever that guy was seemed to be used to the stupidity.

The footsteps grew fainter and when I thought the coast was clear, I continued to stand in the middle of the hallway. I gazed out the window to the setting sun. The breeze was still stirring, but it had died down a bit. Before I set off again, I took a quick moment to think.

_Do you think you can back up that lie? Do you really want be a Wu Officer?_

A slight smile found its way onto my face as I reminisced what has happened in just one day of me being here. The sun was emitting its final rays as I turned the corner.

_I guess I'll find out._


End file.
